Just Go With It

Pop! like the ball of menthol hidden in the filter of my cigarette, unseen yet so so potent, I come to a realization.  Perhaps, with this new mental schema, the differences between my body and yours will be at peace, and sex can come out in the end as something positive.  Like the man in the diplomat’s chair, I try everything before I make the call.

I’m going to be gay now, it’s been decided.  Hindsight is 20/20, I suppose.  But not really, because I’m starting to forget the way the my old high school hallways used to smell.  It remains that I love to watch you, in my mind’s eye, kissing for the first time when you’re half drunk on the roof of your crummy apartment building.  But I can’t be Niah for you, can I?  Not in this body, not in this soul.  But I can set him free for you.  I can write him free, and when I die, someone will remember you, and not just me.  And maybe it won’t be a problem, that I like to watch you but like to kiss girls, if it’s okay with you that I watch you, and kiss girls.  It’s okay with me.  And everything I do is okay with you.

You know, after all this time, I sort of just go with it.


~ by followingsherlockholmes on October 15, 2012.

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